A child that came to my life in a very peculiar way: I wasn't even certain that I was pregnant. A very difficult birth, the smallest of my children and the most beautiful baby so quiet and peaceful, she hardly cried... a child who led an incredible life... who amazed me at every turn.
I married young; was ignorant and naive, and made mistakes. I made decisions that greatly affected my children. My daughter, being the youngest was directly affected in many ways. She grew up too soon and during her teenage years, we had a very difficult relationship. Yet I know she loved me, but she was living in pain, dealing with way too many things, and was constantly depressed. One day she ended her life and her pain.
On a Sunday morning in July 2005. The child that came into my life on a Sunday morning, on Mother's Day 1983, left on the same day, 22 years later. I didn't see her come into this world. as she was a C-section, and I didn't see her leave... she died by suicide.
So I get to live every day, with this huge hole in my heart and the most incredible pain I have ever felt.
One thing that comforts me is thinking that I am going to see her again and that she is no longer in pain.
These have been the hardest eight years of my life, but thankfully, I have met good people along the way. Parents and friends who have lost loved ones who have been there, sharing their stories with me. We have managed to give each other strength to go on. I created a page on Myspace first, and then on Facebook, as well as a blog for her. All with the intention of keeping her memory alive for her beautiful daughter, Jayleanna, who was too young when her mother passed on.
Life goes on without her. And I go on, keeping her alive in my heart forever.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️
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